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Adventures Beyond the Comfort Zone

Friday, August 11, 2006

Marriage is Over Romantisized

I'm serious.

I just finished reading this article reviewing what the Bible says about marriage, while filtering out what our culture has been telling us (stupid Americans..). It was refreshingly different from anything I've read before.

I came across it in a search for the Biblical-ness of the concept of searching for The One. My working theory is that I'm only going to find evidence against it.

Even Christians today get so hung up on finding exactly the right person that will help them live a happier and/or more Godly life, as if this person could do for you what you haven't yet allowed God to do.

This paragraph right here really got my attention talking about something I'd felt was missing in the Bible

In Peter’s epistle (2:21-25), as in Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians (5:21-33), Christ is the model for marriage. Have you ever stopped to think that in the Bible there is no model marriage, no model family? It seems Paul was not married and may never have been married (1 Corinthians 7:8; 9:5-6). We do not even know Peter’s wife’s name or how many children they had, if any. No marriage in the Bible could be considered a model marriage for us to strive to imitate. Only Christ serves as the model for marriage, and He was never married. Nevertheless, Christ manifested by His life and sacrificial death the mind-set and ministry husbands and wives should have toward each other. He sets the standard, which is perfect obedience to God. He is the example of selfless love and sacrifice for the benefit of His bride, the church. He is the One who is the standard for both the wife (“in the same way,” 1 Peter 3:1) and the husband (“likewise,” 3:7). As husbands and wives dwell together, each should live as Christ, surrendering self-interest while seeking the best interest of the other. To follow the example of Christ means we are willing to endure the pain and the penalty which results from the sins of others, with the goal of their salvation. Submission is not just seeking the best interest of another; it is seeking their best interest at our expense.

I'm a sinful man who's looking to be married someday, and since my only options in this life are sinful women, there's no way that either of us could make the relationship really measure up to the standard. It would be especially foolish and lazy to expect our choice in mate to somehow make up for our own imperfections. Until Jesus comes back for the Final Reformatting, it's impossible for people to get that close without ever hurting eachother.

Then there was this little reminder of how many times the Bible hammers into us the suffering that comes with living in our fallen world:

But the New Testament writers give us no indication that the believer can and will experience heaven on earth. In short, Christ and the apostles speak of suffering now and glory later (Mark 10:29-30; Luke 9:21-26; 24:26; John 15:18-20; 16:33; Acts 14:22; 2 Corinthians 4 and 5; 1 Thessalonians 2:10-16; 3:3; 2 Thessalonians 1:3-10; 2 Timothy 1:12; 2:12; 3:12; 4:1-8; James 5:8-11).

Even before I'd read this, my focus had started to drift from "who should she be?" to "who should I be?" Though this confirmed for me that I'd been on the right track.

...I think I had more to say... what was it.. bother... oh well. Better to post an incomplete than to leave it bottled up inside. *Updates are sure to follow


  • Sounds like you've been doing a lot of reading lately. Is there any chance of my getting Epic back from you at some point?

    By Blogger Kim, at 12/8/06 9:38 PM  

  • I'll have to bookmark that link you have on your blog so I can read more of it tomorrow. This part I didn't understand...

    "I have often heard Christians say the principles for successful relationships apply as much to unbelievers as they do to believers. If one believes this, then it matters not whether the one who goes to a “Christian counselor” is a Christian or not; they simply need to be given the right principles."

    If... they aren't christians ... they don't have to go to to a christian councelor. ...

    By Anonymous Alicia, at 14/8/06 1:31 AM  

  • Hey Kevin,
    You can call me an active reader of your blogs. Being ready for marriage is something that I've been dealing/struggling with for quite awhile. I have looked at my list of charateristics that I desire in a husband and have to ask myself if I have those charateristics. Cause if I don't how can I expect my future husband to? So, when you mentioned something along those lines in your blog, I got excited...because I didn't think that other people really thought that way. Thanks for sharing!

    By Blogger Rachel, at 18/8/06 4:30 PM  

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